I hate her songs, honestly, because everything in her song, the words, the tone, the melody, everything reminds me of you. And that’s okay. But what I hate is the memories behind those things. Remember challenge week? Where we’d just go crazy and sing whatever song that comes up next on your phone? Yeah. That’s exactly why. I’m getting closer and closer to sealing the deal with myself. Accepting what I can’t change. The ability to smile at you even after all that we’ve been through. I am rather proud of myself, because I sincerely loved you, I tried, I put in everything. That’s why it hurts so much, when I thought I could finally get the right girl and not fuck up, I fuck up heh. But I can’t change it, I can’t change the things that went wrong, I can’t undo time, thus I accept. I accept what we have become.
I do have to say, I am interested in someone else now. Her name? you don’t have to know. But she is your friend, which makes me more hesitant.
“You don’t date your exs friends dude, it’s just not cool”
Yes I know. If I didn’t know that, I would’ve gone for a move by now. I know my limits, I know what I can and cannot do. My delusions have subsided, my will has been restored, but my anger still remains, but I don’t think about it. It’s not healthy for my body heart and soul. I will continue as how it was before. It’s funny, cause I’ve been running, running from the problem, not staying and fighting, just staying angry without doing anything. That’s like poison, letting it flow through your veins, instead of trying to take it out.
I can’t say that I’m 100% okay with you. Because I’m not. I wanna believe that I am, and I want to be. I wouldn’t mind being friends with you again. It’d be fun. But not now, I don’t think it’d be cool just yet, there’s still the awkward tension. Perhaps it’s because you just don’t talk to me. and I can’t swallow any more pride to come and talk to you again. That’s exactly what killed me more. Kille-d. I’m fine now. Well not that you know anything that goes through my mind. Not like you bothered to find out either.
I digress, again. Not running. Just leaving this problem for the finale. Where we could actually let it all go. Let it all out. All of it.